"Your future looks bright."
“This weekend will bring you a surprise.”
#fortunecookie #doublefortune #goodomen?
- 3 months ago
Sophia: I think a nice faux-hawk will give that “Don’t fuck with me!” vibe.
Gloria: …I mostly use my face for that."
Animals with *inspired* dialog added.
- 3 months ago
"And if the mountain was meant to be a symbol of life’s challenges, and the loss of limbs a metaphor for sacrifice, the software guy is not going to get it, is he? Because he didn’t do an Arts degree, did he? He should have. Arts degrees are awesome and they help you find meaning where there is none.
And let me assure you, there is none. Don’t going looking for it. Searching for meaning is like searching for a rhymes scheme in a cookbook—you won’t find it, and it will bugger up your soufflé."
- 4 months ago
Celebrities Read Aloud Mean Tweets (to or about Themselves)
(Please note: some mean tweets include mean language, which while “bleeped out” is still discernible.)
- 4 months ago
SPOT IT: THE CAUDALIE POLYPHENOL C15 COLLECTION
We run the numbers on the brand’s formidable new skincare line.
“We were the first to discover and offer women the full benefits of stabilized grape-seed polyphenols back in 1995,” reminisces Mathilde Thomas, who started Caudalie with her college sweetheart after working together at a Bordeaux winery. Almost 20 years later, stabilized grape-seed polyphenols are still exclusive to Caudalie—as is the brand’s distinction as the first and foremost name in luxury vinotherapy skincare. “Today, Polyphenol C15 represents another step forward for women’s beauty,” Thomas says of the new four-piece antiaging line, which comprises an anti-wrinkle defense serum, an anti-wrinkle eye and lip cream, an overnight detox oil, and a broad spectrum SPF 20 anti-wrinkle moisturizer. Here, we look at a few other Caudalie figures that are nothing less than fantastique. MELISSA LANE
Pollution. Sunshine. Less-than-perfect diets. Virtually every minute of every day, a coterie of external factors trigger oxidation within your body. This is a natural chemical reaction that produces free radicals—which can be damaging to skin.
Four out of five
Oxidation is responsible for four out of five wrinkles. That’s right, the same phenomenon that causes cars to rust and apples to turn brown also causes skin to age prematurely. Oxidation is not your friend.
Six percent every ten years
Oxidation is responsible for a six percent loss of hyaluronic acid every ten years. And a dull complexion. Definitely not your friend.
Caudalie’s grape-seed polyphenols are 10,000 times more effective against free radicals than vitamin E, the industry’s benchmark active ingredient.
One metric ton
The brand’s grape-seed polyphenols are extracted from fresh grapes immediately after they are pressed. It takes a metric ton of grape-seeds to produce a kilogram of polyphenols (about 2.2 pounds).
In a first-of-its-kind formula, C15 combines Caudalie’s exclusive stabilized grape-seed polyphenols with stabilized vitamin C and plumping hyaluronic acid to help block approximately 100% of free radicals, according to the brand.
Dear Everyone Who Ever Made Fun of Me Regarding the Children’s Book “Pat the Bunny”,
First, some history: I realized in my late teens that when I was a child, I had misunderstood the title of one of my favorite children’s books, “Pat the Bunny”. I was reading said beloved book to a child, and it dawned on me that when I was little, I thought that “Pat” was the bunny’s name. I was teased mercilessly—mostly by my sainted mother, but also by anyone else to whom I openly admitted my mistake.
I had decent justification: other character names like “Kermit the Frog” and “Winnie the Pooh”, (although, admittedly the latter only served to bring up further questions as to just what, exactly, is a “Pooh” and is Winnie actually one?); as well as the fact that I—and everyone I knew—would say “PET” the bunny, just as you would pet a dog.
However, the taunting did not cease, and I began to accept that no one would ever understand the beautifully tragic confusion between myself and the young children in the book who loved to stroke the bunny’s soft fur, and try on Mommy’s ring, and feel Daddy’s scratchy face. It was a connection I shared with my illustrated young friends, Paul and Judy, and apparently no one else on Earth…
Recently, at the local Renaissance Festival, I noticed a vendor’s booth with a large banner reading “Pat the Garlic Lady”… Oh, yes, dear reader, I shall be redeemed!
I spotted the banner, and the booth, and the lady inside, and I flung out my arm to stop my companion and cried out, “LOOK!”
He, of course, was not yet aware of my validating epiphany, and asked if I wanted to stop to shop there.
“No!” I sputtered, “Look at the name of the booth! Read the banner!!!”
“…Pat the Garlic Lady…” he read, confounded.
“And I suppose that ‘Pat’ is the ‘Garlic Lady’s’ first name?” I countered, my pride building.
“I would assume so…” he agreed, somewhat suspicious of my enthusiasm.
“And,” I said with authority, “If I went into that booth and proceeded to stroke the lady named Pat, I would probably be arrested, would I not?!”
This received no answer, but only a bewildered look.
“So!” I continued, undaunted, “The banner reading ‘Pat the Garlic Lady’ is informing us that the business consists of a ‘Garlic Lady’ who happens to be named ‘Pat’, and is NOT, in fact, inviting us to physically pat the ‘Garlic Lady’!”
“And, thus, thinking the Bunny’s name was Pat totally made sense!”
I HAVE BEEN VINDICATED!!!
…To one person… In a very specific situation… But, that, my friends, is why I am recounting the tale to you—that my vindication and validation may be spread far and wide across the Internet!… Or at least to the friends and family who have given me such a hard time. I would accept that, too.
*Kara Joy is not an editor, children’s author, nor a true ‘Rennie’. She is an actor and artist who appreciates children’s literature, visiting Renaissance Faires, and justifying old arguments. She is also a writer’s daughter and likes to write about things that she’s passionate about, like “Pat the Bunny”, for instance, and the many bastardizations of “Goodnight, Moon.” You can tweet at her @AnamKaraJoy.
**Kara would also like to thank Pat the Garlic Lady, whom she has not met, for unknowingly settling a score many years in the making.
#@anamkarajoy #patthebunny #patthegarliclady #vindication
- 11 months ago
People have asked me what is my secret formula, regimen or ritual for my “vampire skin”—fair, smooth, and seemingly immune to typical aging. It’s actually a family secret passed down to me from my mother, so it’s not something you’d expect me to just share on the Internet. However, I’ve decided to let you in on my secret, nevertheless, free of charge. I must be crazy!
Here it is, folks: sunscreen. Every day, every season, every year, for life. Yup, that’s it. No lasers, chemical peels, serums or “rare” tropical concoctions. Just plain, good old-fashioned protecting your skin from damage in the first place. If you don’t damage your skin, you don’t have to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars trying to reverse damage and signs of aging.
Even if your skin is already showing signs of sun damage and premature (or even typical) aging, it’s not too late. Use sunscreen every single day. Even if it’s cloudy. Even if it’s winter. Even if you work indoors. (Windows are sneaky devils letting those damaging rays in with the pretty sunlight.)
You can still use your favorite creams or serums or whatever, especially at night; the sunscreen during the day will actually make them work better. Why? It’s hard to reverse damage when your skin is still actively accumulating daily damage! Stop the damage process, and your products won’t have to work so hard.
Furthermore, many anti-aging formulas (as well as acne treatments) contain forms of retinol, and/or various types of exfoliating acids, which while they CAN reduce the look of sunspots and fine lines and wrinkles, also increase your skin’s level of photo-sensitivity. Photo-sensitivity? As in, more vulnerable to the damage from the sun? The very issue you’re using the products to reverse? Exactly.
Now, don’t start a hate-mail campaign to skin care companies; they do warn you of the risk on the box or in the instructional insert. (They’re legally required to warn you—some government regulations are awesome!) Many of them recommend using a daily sunscreen not only while using their product, but for up to TWO WEEKS AFTER. Yeah. Seriously. They recognize that those chemicals can weaken your skin’s defenses so much that you’re still at an increased risk for a couple of weeks after you STOP putting them on your skin.
So should you throw them all in the trash and vow never to use anything that claims to be age-reversing again? If you want to, but not necessarily. Just be responsible. Follow the warnings and the directions and protect your skin daily. And for the two weeks after. And forever after that.
So how about if you’re already a great-grandmother, and are perfectly comfortable with your deep smile lines and those sweet crinkles around your eyes? Well, good for you! But still wear sunscreen. Yes, really. Why? Even if you couldn’t care less about signs of aging cropping up, skin cancer is still always a risk you don’t need to take!
Don’t even get me started on skin cancer—that’s a post for another day.
#@anamkarajoy #sunscreen #useprotection #writersdaughter
*Kara Joy is not a doctor or scientist and does not work for any sunscreen companies. She is an actor and artist who wears a lot of sunscreen and is passionate about protecting everyone’s precious skin from unnecessary damage. She is also a writer’s daughter and likes to write about things that she’s passionate about, like sunscreen, for instance. You can tweet at her @AnamKaraJoy. And P.S. sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen.
- 1 year ago
Dove’s New Ad Campaign: Photoshop Trick or Reality Treat?
Dove is back with another installment of its decade-long “Campaign for Real Beauty,” which aims to inspire confidence in women when discussing beauty.
While Dove’s previous efforts (commercials like “Evolution,” “Onslaught,” and “Amy”) were directed at consumers to convince them to rethink their perceptions of beauty, this one targets those who create the ads.
The beauty brand built a Photoshop action, which is a downloadable file that can apply a certain look to an image in one click. This action file, which promised to add a skin-glowing effect to images, was released online in forums where art directors and other photo retouchers would stumble upon it and hopefully download it. In reality though, the action would revert the Photoshopped image to its original state with the tagline, “Don’t manipulate our perceptions of real beauty.”
What do you guys think? Is Dove making a good point about the beauty industry by targeting photo retouchers?
Photoshop has been the center of controversy for many years. Find out more about this great debate here.
My dad has always made a point of telling me I cannot compare myself to other people, not because he was worried I’d be too competitive or envious or anything like that. It was a warning against becoming discouraged because I’ve always had “underlying issues” that interfered with me being able to live a so-called “normal” life.
However, my dad’s stance did not hold me to lower standards or expectations—he expected the best from me, and saw to it that I delivered. His stance was only that I be patient with myself, aware of—but not crippled by—my personal limitations. My dad also stressed the importance of keeping in mind that “normalcy” and traditional notions of success are not worthy priorities or life goals.
To my dad, so what if I couldn’t complete a walk-a-thon in high-school because my knees were so damaged? It was more important that I still participated in the fundraiser and donated my time volunteering at the event.
To him, who cares if I can’t hold a typical 9 to 5 job because I can’t count on my health to hold out from one day to the next? My character, my heart and my compassion are so much more worthwhile in his eyes.
Today, my dad would probably tell me it didn’t matter in the least that I was in so much pain and so overwhelmed that I couldn’t get out of bed and do the housework I wanted to get done. My dad would smile and kiss my forehead and tell me how proud he was that I used my day and my talents to make a soft, fluffy hat to comfort a stranger going through chemotherapy.
My dad’s eyes see a brave, beautiful woman, intelligent, creative, and overflowing with love and empathy. They see strength and dignity where I see weakness and worthlessness. I pray that some day, I learn to see through my daddy’s eyes.